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Uxbridge English Dictionary


C



Cabaret
A wide selection of taxis s43e02 s64e02
Cabbage
The opinions of taxi drivers s44e04
Cacti
Rubbish neckwear s49e02
Caesarian Section
Part of a salad s46e04
Camper Van
Van with more sequins than the last one s53e04
Can Can
A couple of tins s45esp1
Canapé
Scottish inability to pay bills s46e04 s52e06
Canary
Extremely hirsute s58e02
Candid
Past tense of "Can do" s55e04
Canneloni
Scottish refusal to give you an overdraft s46e04
Cannibalistic
A Geordie missile s44e04
Canoodle
A cross between a poodle and a canoe s67e04
Canopy - 1
A tinned liquid found in bus shelters s62e02 s68e04
Canopy - 2
Scots complaint s58eSP1
Cantankerous
Chain of shops that sells tanks s39e06
Canteloupe
Unable to run off to get married s42e04
Canticle
The only skill listed on Mr Tickle's CV s63e02
Cantilever
A switch on an electric horse s43e06 s69e06
Capable
Two things you need to be a matador s57e06
Capsize
Usually about seven and a quarter s37e03
Caramel
Toffee with one hump s57e02
Carbuncle
A relative who only eats potatoes, bread, and pasta s65e02 s66e06
Cardiac
Someone who knows a hell of a lot about cardigans s47e04
Cardiologist
A specialist in jumpers s69e04
Cardiology
The study of knitwear s55e02
Carmelite
A half hearted Buddhist s48e02
Carpentry
A way in for ornamental fish s40e04
Carrion
Hand luggage for vultures s69e06
Cashew - 1
Nut that makes you sneeze s45e01
Cashew - 2
A bank teller with a cold s62e02
Castanet
What Italian fishermen do s55e06
Castigate
To have a nasty accident climbing into a field s39e02
Catalyst
Three legged moggie s38e04
Catarrh
That hot place where they bribed FIFA to give them the World Cup s61e06
Catastrophe - 1
"My moggy has won a prize" s51e04
Catastrophe - 2
Feline punctuation s48e06
Catharsis
Bums on seats at Mass s47e02
Cathartic
When the bag freezes s43e04
Caucasian
An Indian wine stopper s70e06
Caustic
"Good heavens! A twig!" s55e02
Cauterised
Cyclops when he's squinting s40e02
Celery
Like a basement s60e02 s61e06 s63e02 s67e06
Celibate
Virgin fish s38e01
Cenotaph
A Welsh laxative s38e01 s59e06 s63e06 s64e02
Centralise
A squint s70e04
Chafe
A posh chaff s45e03
Chagrin
That smile you have after sex s64e02
Charlady
Joan of Arc s56e06
Chatanooga
Talk about confectionery s51e06
Chateaubriand
French for "I went to the loo at Brian's house" s71e04
Chatelaine
"Couldn't get home in time" s51e01
Chauffeur
What can happen when you exit your car without knickers s62e06
Chepstow
A digit at the end of a gentleman's foot s62e06
Cherish
A bit like a chair s60e04 s66e06
Childhood
Very young gangster s44e06
Chinchilla - 1
Triple decker ice cream cornet s51e01
Chinchilla - 2
Air conditioned beard s45e05
Chinwags
Bruce Forsyth's wives and girlfiends s65e06
Chiropractice
Getting ready to go to Egypt s46e04
Cholera
Even more like a collar s68e06
Choppy
A bit like a chop s68e06
Christmas
From September to the end of January s42e05
Chutney
No man's land between Chiswick and Putney s56e06
Circumflex
To cut the end off a piece of wire s47e04
Circumlocution
The pointless lengthening of a foreskin s38e06
Circumnavigation
Bar Mitzvah on a cruise s41e02
Circumnavigator
Jewish sailor s38e06
Circumspect - 1
Spotted dick s42e04
Circumspect - 2
The point of view of a rabbi s37e02
Circumspect - 3
Circumcision performed by a chicken s70e06
Circumstantial
Circumcision on a really big baby s37e05
Circumvent
Jewish Y-fronts s71e06
Cirencester
To father an ancient relative s66e02
Cistern
A toilet painted by Michaelangelo s57e06
Claimant
An insect that has had an accident at work s47e04
Clamour
Mallet for opening clams s51e04 s52e02
Claptrap
A condom s54e04
Clarify
To domesticate the Grundys s43e02
Claustrophobia
Fear of Father Christmas s38e06
Clematis
Not quite what you're trying to find s53e02
Climate
First instruction at mountaineering school s48e06
Cloister
A pretentious clown s45e01
Cobra
Shared underwear s70e02
Coccyx
The next one after five at an orgy s70e02
Cockahoop
Adult party game s69e02
Cock-a-leekie - 1
Prostate problem s39e02
Cock-a-leekie - 2
An incontinent spaniel s70e02
Cockney - 1
Bizarre physical feature s56e06
Cockney - 2
A very long penis s69e02
Cockney - 3
Damage to the patella from a long penis s50eSP2
Cockroach
Particularly nasty personal infestation s64e04
Cocoa Bean
An ex-clown s38e01
Coffee
Someone on whom one coughs s38e06 s58e02
Cogitate
Pensioners' art gallery s64e06 s71e06
Cognac
To deceive a long-haired cow s66e06
Coiffeur
A pretentious drinker s41e05
Coincidental
Having matching teeth s44e06
Coitus Interruptus
Deck games on the Titanic s49e02
Collegiate
What they call Colin in Ireland s71e06
Collier
Like a collie but more so s49e06 s58e02
Collonade
A fizzy enema s37e02 s58eSP1
Collusion
A well planned collision s65e04
Collywobble
That dog's pissed s50eSP2
Collywobbles - 1
Three legged sheepdog s38e04
Collywobbles - 2
Performance anxiety on 'One Man and his Dog' s68e02
Comatose - 1
"Foot's gone dead" s39e06
Comatose - 2
What a beautician does to a lady with a lot of unwanted hair s45e01
Combat
An aggressive marsupial s39e02
Comfortable
Artist who painted The Haywain s49e03
Comforting
Jamaican lost property s58e04
Commit
The frog on the Muppet Show s45e05
Commodore
To punctuate an entrance s71e02
Common or Garden
The choice between Barry or Graeme s45esp1
Conclude
An obscenely shaped nose s41e02
Concubine
A porcupine with a big nose s62e06
Concurrent
An object that looks like a raisin but isn't s45e01
Condescending
Prisoner in a lift s56e04 s61e04
Condom
Tory tax exile s55e06
Condominium
Birth control device made from metal (that you hit your daughter's boyfriend in the testicles with) s38e04
Conservatory
To pickle Boris Johnson s65e06
Contraband
US backed counter-revolutionary orchestra s37e03
Contradiction
How Nicaraguan rebels speak s67e02
Control
Piers Morgan, A.A.Gill, Victor Lewis-Smith, Simon Cowell, James Kilroy-Silk s48e04
Conurbation
What convicts do alone in their cells at night s42e05
Convince
To fool a Lib Dem s55e02
Copper
More like a policeman s54e04
Copper Nitrate
What a policeman gets paid after 8pm s67e06
Copper Bottom
Take note of a posterior s71e06
Copulate
The time it takes the Police to show up in an emergency s41e05
Coquette - 1
A tiny little rooster s63e06
Coquette - 2
A small penis s43e02 s71e02
Cormorant
An ant who like a mild curry s61e02
Cormorants
"Good heavens! Extra insects!" s50eSP2
Cornish
A bit like corn s69e02
Cornucopia
Coming to terms with your foot ailment s52e06
Corsage - 1
"You look nice, Sergeant!" s67e04
Corsage - 2
"Blimey, it's a copper!" s50e06
Cortisone
What the solitary angler did s62e04
Cough
"Go away"" s67e06
Counterfeit
What you should do before you buy your wife shoes for Christmas s70e06
Counterpane
Someone who works in the Post Office s41e05
Countryside
To kill Piers Morgan s38esp3
County Down
Popular Irish television programme s47e04
Coup
Something a Scotsman milks s65e04
Courtesy
A dog to visit s62e06
Cous-cous
Scottish cattle s70e06
Coypu
What is done behind a bush at a picnic s57e06
Crackerjack
A device for raising biscuits s48e04
Crapology
Not really saying you're sorry s66e04
Creche
Collision in Kensington s39e06
Crème Brulee
"The crematorium's on fire" s49e03
Crescendo
Termination of childcare s43e02
Croquette
A tiny little crocodile s63e06
Cross Country
Iraq s40e06
Crucifix
Religious adhesive s54e04
Crudity
A sea shanty s59e06
Cruise Control
Scientology s49e03
Cryogenic
When you turn out in a photograph to look like Barry s38esp3
Cuba
Even more like a cube s69e02
Cubic - 1
A biro that you can play snooker with s59e02
Cubic - 2
"Bring on the biro" s69e04
Culotte
Post Office s40e02
Culottes
A talkative pigeon s66e04
Cunnilingus
Devious Irish airline s70e06
Curate
A doctor s38e04
Curator
Someone who assesses snooker equipment s50e02
Curled
What makes a Geordie sneeze s70e04
Curlicue
A Welsh dog (explained later as a mixture of "cur" and "look you"!) s48e02
Cursory
Where young children learn to swear s46e02 s46e04
Custard
To swear after stepping in something s39e02
Cuticle - 1
Sexual harrassment at the Post Office s46e05
Cuticle - 2
A rather nice testicle s52e06